I Can't Think My Way into Trust

The call of the Gospel is trust--a trust that turns from myself in repentance and toward Christ in faith. We never move beyond that invitation. We must "die daily" because our false self haunts the halls of our souls. So how do we cultivate our capacity to trust Christ in the details of life. My (Jim) impulse is to learn more with the hope of thinking my way into trust. If I am competent with the facts I can be confident in my faith.But is confidence the same as trust? It strikes me that they are different. Confidence feels more self-generated than trust. It's good that I want to be more confident of God's faithfulness and goodness the older I get (my 60th is just a few days away!). And as I reflect on my life I can confidently sing the phrase, "You never let go of me." But I cannot will myself to trust.It seems that trust is not based on proof (like confidence) as much as on an experience of another's presence, an experience not reducible to "proof." Job didn't have tangible proof but he did have an experience that allowed him to trust no matter what happened. Somehow the presence of the living God gave him what it took to live with his suffering without explaining his suffering. Simply put, trust is not based on proof as much as an intuitive response to a particular kind of presence.Jesus left us with the promise of his presence (Matthew 28:20). He is ALWAYS with me. Now the question is whether I am with him. Contemplative reading and prayer awaken my soul to his presence. And his true and good and beautiful presence fosters trust like the loving presence of a parent for a child. We simply must spend time in his presence if we want our capacity for trust to increase.Are you like me--trying to think your way to trust? We will do ourselves a great service if we, like the disciples, can learn to say, "We have believe and (then) come to know that you are the Son of God" (John 6:69).