“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”
I have always loved this beautiful quote by Simone Weil. I return to it often these days, as I so often feel the pull on my soul towards distractedness. In a culture that values speed, efficiency and novelty, it is easy to be busy, preoccupied, and consumed by a thousand compelling things in front of me. It feels much more challenging to be still enough to truly offer my full attention to anything for any length of time, especially to another person.
When it comes to our relationships, and particularly, developing our capacity for intimacy - the human ability to be close to another person, physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually - attention seems to be a foundational starting point. I can be easily discouraged when I’m honest with myself about my ability to pay attention and to truly offer the gift of presence to another. It is also humbling to live with awareness of my very real desire to be able to receive and offer the gift of presence in my relationships.
I’ve found these questions to be helpful as I cultivate my capacity for closeness, and as I thoughtfully and prayerfully consider the aspects of my story that have impacted my ways of being with myself, God and others.
What is my experience with being truly present to another person?
Am I aware of what it feels like to offer myself to another in this way? Can I discern the difference in my body and soul between being distracted and truly present?
Another way to ask this question might be, “How does it feel to be with me?”
How aware am I of my relational habits - body language, conversation style, listening skills, etc? How often do I allow myself to experience the beauty of intentionally offering my presence to another?
How does it feel to be with a person who is truly present with me?
Who are the people that regularly do this for me? What is the impact of this experience on the way that I view myself, my life and my relationship with God? Does this kind of attention feel uncomfortable or unusual to me?
What is my experience of being present to myself?
Blaise Pascal wisely discerned that “All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone”. My ability to be present to anyone else really is directly correlated to my ability to just be with me. Can I be present to and attend to my thoughts, feelings and experiences in my physical body? How can I cooperate with the patience and graciousness of God toward me as I grow in this discipline?
What is my experience of God being present to me?
What does it feel like to sense God paying attention to me? What is the nature of His attention? When I consider the stories of Jesus’ relationships with people, how do I imagine Him? What might it have felt like to be with Jesus in person? What emotions arise in me when I sense God’s attentiveness to me?
There is such beauty in our relational design…may we continue to grow in these capacities as we experience God’s undivided loving attention toward us and His unchanging presence within us.
