Avoidant Attachment Pattern Taken from The Relational Soul – When the primary caregivers are consistently unavailable a child learns to avoid trusting others. The learning is not conscious, but it is profound. When mom or dad routinely fails to show up emotionally, a child experiences the pain of anxiety. Over time a child learns to defend against the pain by avoiding others emotionally. The child unconsciously begins to feel it is better to be distant than disappointed.
Taken from The Relational Soul – In the ‘70s John Bowlby pioneered the study of early attachment. Since then there has been a great deal of research that identified four basic patterns of attaching—avoidant, ambivalent, scattered, and stable. All of us “learn” one of these basic patterns early in life and it becomes the way by which we tend to relationally engage throughout our lives. How one learns to relate in childhood will influence how one relates as an adult unless or until the adult makes an intentional, hard-fought shift.
Taken from The Relational Soul – It is virtually impossible to overstate the significance of our learned relational attachment system in the early years and its profound influence on our relational experience as adults. The quality and character of the programming we received early in life establishes a “pattern of attachment” that controls our relationships later in life.